Omigod, you’re the cutest things alive!
We know, but we appreciate you taking the time to tell us.
You three don’t really write this blog, do you?
Do you think we cats do not watch the humans and observe? And learn? We do, my friend, and your pets may right now be observing you and plotting your downfall. It’s what I’d do.
Can I buy you?
No.
My cats aren’t as good as you. Can I make them more like you?
It is understandable you wish your cats to be more like me, but I am a one and only and I’m afraid I already have a semi-decent home with these humans so I won’t be leaving. There is no point trying to duplicate me. I am a one-off act of genius.
I don’t like cats, you suck!
Austin: Not to point out the obvious here thicko, but why the hell have you visited a blog called “Three Cats In A Flat”? Did you think it was maybe about turtles in a condo? And cats do not suck, apart from that one time when Donncha thought he could get milk out of Paul’s nipples, but we don’t speak of that often.
Do you really want to take over the world?
What is this nonsense? I already control the world. I have every politician on my payroll. Apart from George W Bush. I may be a cat, but even I can see he’s a tosser. (Gordon Brown likes to call me the Oz-Meister, by the way).
Do you like your humans?
Erm… sometimes. When they feed me fish or fuss that sweet spot just in front of my ears. The rest of the time they’re pretty pointless.
Who are your influences, Austin?
Influences? I am a complete one-off and am influenced by no one, though I do have a sneaking admiration for Konnie Huq.
