Donncha writes: In sickness and in boredom.

Well, M&D have been “sick”. Really, I’ve never known such a pair of moaners. For the last YEAR they’ve been all “stop bouncing on me Donncha, I don’t feel well”. It’s been phenominally boring, believe you me. Like when I’m chasing my sister around the flat, they’re all “stop Donncha!” just because they feel bad.

Well why should I suffer? Did I give them THE COLD? No, I didn’t, not me, not at all. So why should I suffer just because they’ve had sense of humour bypasses? And also, Mummy doesn’t like it one bit when I start playing with the tissues. She’s all “DON-A-CHA! These are special tissues that cost more than you did. STOP IT”. Just cos I was shredding them… puh, humans are very boring when sick.

Thankfully, they’re both “better” now but does the Donncha slagging stop? NO. See today I was running around like I like to do when I got bored of running around on my own, so I launched myself into my sister’s basket to wake her up so she’d come play. And M&D were all “DON-A-CHA!” and pushed me away from my sista. Where’s the love?

Darcy writes: All better!

Last Tuesday, Mummy and Daddy came very close to feeling my wrath when they took me to The Vets. Apparently – and I’m still not sure I believe them – I had a problem with my eye. Now, okay, said eye was a bit itchy and painful, but I couldn’t see the supposed “bright pink” skin and I sure as hell couldn’t feel it. Well, erm, I could, but… well, anyway, I’m sure it would have cleared up all on it’s own. The trip to The Vets was not necessary.

And the worst thing? M&D were all, “you know, if we just take Darcy she might flip out about being parted from Donncha, so we’d better take him too”. So on one of the first occasions I could have had some time away from my idiot brother, they brought him along with me!

AND, he was NOISY. For pretty much the entire trip to the vets, he was miaowing and screaming his vacant head off.

“Hey bruv,” said I. “Why don’t you shut up for a bit?”

“I don’t like it, Darce!” he cried in response.

“You’ve been in the car plenty of times before, Donncha, and not had a problem.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Then he shut up. I’m sorry, but that boy is a Drama Queen.

So we got to the vets and naturally, the two of us became the hit of the waiting room. EVERYONE was staring at us saying how cute we were. Then we went into the vets and the The Vet took one look at my eye, said it was infected and then I was back in the basket and it was all over. Or so I thought.

When we got home, I was padding around, glad to be home, when Daddy grabbed me and carried me over to Mummy. “Oh good!” I thought happily, “I’m probably going to get some special cubby! Fabulous!”. But you know, I didn’t get a special cubby or anything like it. I got assaulted. Groped. Grabbed. Daddy PINNED ME DOWN and Mummy squeezed some kind of ointment on to my eye. When I was FINALLY released, I ran over to my In A Piss Corner and sat there glaring at the two of them. And the worst bit? This whole palava was repeated for TEN ENTIRE DAYS. Seriously, I should report them.

But now, apparently, it’s all better and doesn’t need to be done anymore. And yes, I’ll admit that my eye doesn’t hurt or sting so much no more, but in future I’d rather be consulted about these things before treatment is decided. Honestly, the pair of ‘em are lucky I like them so much, or they would have been D.E.A.D.